Tag Archives: Self Important Rambling

Violence (draft)

3 Mar

Violent fantasies for me, including but not limited to those entertained through film and video games and fiction in general, are a very self-consciously morbid thing. I want to feel bad for watching or engaging in violence on the screen; I want it to make me feel uncomfortable, and I want to have nightmares about it. To witness or experience true violence against myself or those close to me is one of my absolute worst fears in real life; and yet I believe that violence is also an unavoidable force of nature, and therefore as intrinsic to human existence and history as any other behavior we’ve inherited from the natural world; and I realize that I have the capacity in me to enact and to lust for violence, as a human being and as a man, and that’s in a way as frightening as the thought of having violence enacted upon me.

So for all of these reasons and all of these intense and conflicting ideas and emotions I have surrounding the topic, violence is a subject of deep fascination to me, both the way in which it occurs in reality and the way in which we relate to it through art and media. The artistic portrayals of violence in media that enthrall me the most are those in which I find a sort of purging effect; by passing myself, via projection, through the cleansing fire of intensity associated with the violent interaction of two bodies, the willful infliction of pain or mutilation or the ending of the life of one human being by another in the pursuit of desire or rational self-interest… through this experience, I feel burned and cleansed, and my perspective of the world surrounding me is sobered.

I make my uneasy peace with the savagery of natural order in a violent universe through the ritual of fantasy.


All Hail WordPress!

20 Nov

I’m glad WordPress’s fucking formatting template can’t work the way it’s supposed to in even the most basic of ways. Youtube embedding? Nah! Double spaces between paragraphs? Think again! Editing post titles? Heheh, nope!! One of my posts a little ways down apparently has no title, even though I gave it one, then edited it several times to make sure! Thanks WordPress! You officially cannot even perform the most rudimentary formatting functions of Microsoft Word! I guess I got what I paid for with you!

Protected: The Sad, Sad Story of My Halloween Party Experience (as expressed through the medium of 4chan)

27 Oct

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On Mediocrity

20 Oct

Whoever said that critiquing mediocrity is the real test of one’s critical facilities had it right: pointing out good things about particularly good work and bad things about particularly bad work certainly requires skill, but in those cases you start out with enough momentum to hit the ground running right away. Explaining why unremarkable work is unremarkable, though… that’s difficult. You have to make your own momentum, and it’s that strenuous process that teaches you the material components of the thing you’re putting together from scratch. Not having clear binary classifications of “good” and “bad” to fall back on – that’s what forces you to examine just how you distinguish between the two in the first place.

[may expand this post into a full essay at some point in the future]


22 Aug

You know, the more I consider it the more I think that the great and terrible thing about the American cultural ethos is the way in which its subjects are constantly enflamed with the desire for “more”. On the one hand, more power, more wealth, more pleasure; on the other, more freedom, more opportunity, more equality. Both sides of the coin engender a warlike mindset, a life of constant striving doomed never to live up to an imagined ideal; yet both produce world-changing developments. Americans never doubt for a second that simply by being alive, simply by being human, they are entitled to the best the world has to offer. It’s what makes them lead lives of perpetual alienation, anxiety and rage, yet at the same time what imbues them with the iron will to realize ambitions. Would that the ambitious capitalists and snarling social critics might realize they are fruit of the same spiritual tree; and that both in tandem make America the greatest – not the most good, perhaps, but the greatest – nation on Earth.

The Madness Begins

16 Apr

G’day, ladies and gents; I’m Eli, sometimes known around these parts as gatotsu2501, or gatotsu911, (or various other names derived from comic books I liked when I was 14,) or Anonymous, or “that one guy”, or “who?”, or y’know, whatever. You may know me from such places as The Internet and… yeah, mostly just The Internet.

I’ve been telling myself for literally years that I was going to start a blog, but up until I accidentally figured out how to do so this afternoon I really had no idea what I was supposed to do. Now I know. Or I guess I half-know. I know enough, is what matters.

If I can stick to this thing (and that may be a big “if”), I will be coming here semi-regularly to post my ideas and opinions about things under three broad categories:

1) Self Important Rambling – In which I make some attempt to express my ideas, opinions, armchair philosophizing, etc. as they relate to whatever real-world topic may be on my mind at the moment, ranging from the triflingly inane to the confoundingly cosmic. I will pretend that I know what I’m talking about and you will pretend to care. Expect lots of half-baked thoughts, little structure.

2) Complaining All The Time – In which I set out to critically assess various pieces of media, most often those falling under my trifecta of personal hobbies: film, video games, and those crazy Japanese cartoons. Posts may take the form of quick-and-dirty evaluations (sometimes no more than snappy one-liners!), “proper” critical/analytical essays, exhaustive dissections, and everything in between. If you think my opinions are horrible and can explain why, please do so and open up a rollicking debate. (If you think my opinions are totally bitchin’ and can explain why, feel free to do that too.)

3) Imagination Hour – In which I share with an unforgiving world the delicate fruits of my creative endeavors. Short stories, story sketches, films, screenplays – even, god forbid, poems – will fall under this category. Constructive criticism is highly encouraged and infinitely appreciated.

So, them’s the breaks. Read, stick around and enjoy! I love you all (even if I will never, ever show it).